Sugar, let me lick you from head to toes.

I have to watch what i eat nowadays because my doctor said i’m intaking too much sugar, and my body is not reacting too well with it. I felt that i wasn’t even eating that much sugary substance, but it does make sense since diabetes run in my family (FUCK YOU, DAD’S SIDE OF THE FAMILY). I wasn’t too worried about not eating sugar when the doctor told me. In my head, i felt i ate more non-sugary crap than candy and what not.

Two weeks later, dear lord, i’m dying right now. I’m having sugar withdrawal, and it’s affecting my moods. I feel so empty and sad without sugar (no exaggeration). I never realized how much candy i eat! I can’t help myself when i see a twix bar or any chocolate candies. DROOL! I miss eating nerds, ice cream, and cakes. I fucken hate this so damn much. I feel like i’m such a sugar-addict, and i’m forced into rehab. Sugar is probably equivalent to about happiness in my life apparently.

So now, i’ve been reading the nutrition facts on anything to see if i could eat it. Thank god my chips have 0 grams of sugar; i would have died. Did you know that whole grain bread has more sugar contents than sourdough bread? That’s so fucken weird to me because i would think sourdough has way more since it’s white bread. I’m the biggest gum addict ever! I have to eat gum whenever i drive or really, anything i do; thank fucken god that’s sugar-free too! 

My boyfriend offered to go on this sugar-free diet with me (he knows how much my heart belongs to sugar), but i know he said that to be nice. It’s the thought that count that made me feel happy. But fucken asshole eats all these sugar desserts in front of me that makes me all kind of excitement in my pants whenever i think of having those delicious, fatal temptable edibles touch my lips as drool run down my mouth and onto my neck as if someone kissed it. Whoa, now that’s just a very imaginative borderline-sexual thought of sugar there.

I’m in a heartbreak hotel. I somehow feel that i was forced to break-up with sugar because that sweet bastard kept playing with my emotions (literally, gave me pure happiness from pure sugar cane). Now i just want to crawl back into his arms, so he can smother me with his sweet kisses and have his body parts all over my lips and inside of me. Yeah, you’re thinking i’m fucken psychotic to create such sexual sentences about food, but fuck you and your opportunity to eat fucken sugar. Hope he fucken screws you over too, asshole.

SIDE NOTE: Since i eat sriracha every second of my life, i found out that has 1 gram of sugar in it. It’s obviously not that much sugar content, so it shouldn’t affect me right? Well the thing is, i wouldn’t be surprised if it did affect me since i practically pour a whole body of it into each meal i eat. I asked Deven, “What if that’s the cause to me having sugar overload?” He responded, “I’m sure you rather die and continue eating that compared to never eating that again and living for a long time.” My response?

In need of an attitude check.

I can just say one thing, and forget it in a couple of hours. Today, i went to the temple in hacienda heights. Although i’m not very religious whatsoever, i went to the temple just because of family time and to receive my dharma phrase for the rest of the year. Also, it’s the only time of the year, where i actually want to eat vegetarian food. Anyways, my dharma phrase (i posted in another post) basically said i should think of my actions before the outcome comes out of it. 

I pondered all day about it and thought about how i should stop expecting so much from whatever that controls us (possibly ourselves controls us as well), if we’re just giant bitches that sit on our asses and don’t contribute anything to the world. What have i done to ever deserve a better future? The only thing that i’ve done is trying my hardest in school. It’s a great thing (i’m not trying to make it sound like it’s a bad thing to do good in school), but personally, i haven’t done anything to change my perspective on the world. I’ve never done anything humbling to make me realize that the world that i know shouldn’t just be all about SoCal.

I keep thinking over and over how i’m such a selfish human being because i really believe shit should just be given to us. Why do i think that way?  That’s probably one of the stupidest thought that have come across our mind. As just a human with a soul, i believe that individuals should do things to help them become a better person. During the teenage years, we’re just so immature; thinking that we know every shit that we need to know to survive. Bullshit. All we did was more likely than not, complain about how we will never find our love or how our family never understands our needs and emotions. How the fuck will complaining about those shit help us become a better person? As many would say, “Actions are better than words.”

Upon all of these thoughts, i drove home tonight like my usual fucken maniac ways (pushing aside all my thoughtful thoughts to become a better person), and cut off this taxi because it was driving really slow; of course, a cop pulls me off on the same street of my house. It sucks because i was driving behind that taxi debating if i should do it; i believed if i did it, something bad would happen, but if i didn’t do it, i would be driving 20 MPH all the way home. Fuck that. The cop pulls me over, and i just hated myself. Luckily, he was a nice young cop (cute white guy might i add) that just said i should drive calmer and safer.

For the cop to not give me a ticket wasn’t just a relieving moment, but also a fucken warning from the divine spirits of the dharma words that i received to fucken change myself before shit goes down. It sucks that this isn’t the first time i got pulled over, which obviously means that i’m the worst driver in the world. I have to change these driving habits. I don’t like to fucken be paranoid of cops on my ass. Really though, if i ever want to change my driving habits, i need to learn how to control my moods; i need to learn how to be more understanding and patient. Obviously, when i thought of this realization, i realized i should have fucken listened to the dharma words that i received today. 

Oh the fucken irony of being a dumbass.

Happy Chinese fucken New Year aka Luna Year aka being super fucken Asian one week out of the damn year.

People that know me know that i’m probably the most white-washed Asian ever. I don’t even know Chinese; i know more Spanish to be honest. I can’t even carry a damn conversation in Chinese with my own parental. It’s kind of sucky, but fuck, i’m obviously not willing to learn Chinese after 19 years of not giving a damn shit about it.

Chinese New Year can be the best and worst holiday, or whatever it is, for me and possibly a majority of Asians. I fucken hate cleaning around this time of the year. I am at the stage of my existence, where i love to keep my room spotless clean (not my car though), but i don’t want my mom to nag me about cleaning. I don’t like to be told what to do precisely. Last time, she told me to clean my room, and i was like just, “WTF bizotch!? I cleaned my room for the damn whole weekend, and apparently to your implication, it still looks like shit! The fuck bro?” I found it really offensive. But anyways, now i have to stay up or whatever washing all my sheets, clothes, and crap because i have to start off the year super-duper-awesomely-freakenlishly-clean.

Also, another thing that i hate about Chinese New Year is going to the damn temple. I’m not very a religious person frankly, and i only go for my parents, but dear lord, around this time, it’s like the worst time to ever go. First of all, finding fucken parking sucks. You’re in an area where it’s jam-packed with a majority of asians who cannot fucken drive! Do asians not know how to signal or always drive 2mph when getting a damn spot? It’s just fucken annoying and RUDE. Second, i fucken run into people non-stop. I love seeing my friends because i haven’t seen a majority of them in a while, but i prefer to not run into people when i’m obviously having a family event. I don’t want to care enough to make conversations when disgustingass strangers are pushing me around left to right, and i have my parents telling me to hurry the fuck up!

Third, the damn incenses burn my damn eyes! I have no choice about this or whatever; i have to get incenses and pray to the gods for me to have a fucken prosperous, long life; however, the smoke burns my eyes so badly. I want to cry thinking about it right now. Lastly, the most vile thing about going to the temple is the damn fucken stinkyass tofu. Whoever have smelled that shit understands why the hell i hate it. Sure, i love durian, which many people find it to be the grossest thing ever. But stinky tofu smells like a combination of a hobo that has shitted and peed on himself for 10 years (never showered within those time) and has rubbed himself with rotten garbage. It’s so damn bad that i fucken want to throw up on the vendors. I sincerely want to go up to them and ask, “Have you lost your sense of smelling or are you fucken drugged up to stand around this shit?

However, I’m not going to even try to be modest about it, but i probably only freaken love this time of the damn Asian year because i get money. It does suck when i do not get that much money, but money is money. If someone gave me a dollar, i would think, “Fucken cheapass motherfucker, that’s all you’re giving me? Fuck you, bitch.” But that doesn’t mean i’m going to give the dollar back to that person. Do i look like a dumbass that would do that shit? Finding a dollar on the floor on any day would get me all excited! It does suck that money means this much to me, yet i’m not going to sugar-code that shit; i have the balls to admit that money is fucken awesome and brings me joy. I remember when i was a little kid with my Asian friends at that time, and we would try to out-brag each other on how much money we got and spend it recklessly because we were fucken obviously we’re kids. And then, the Mexicans would be so damn jealous, where i’m sure they probably thought about jumping our asses to steal our damn money. I’m honestly considering doing that to Asians this year; it’s hard to be hustler.

The shit i do for money.

Disclaimer: i don’t fucken know how i initially wrote this post to ramble on about turning 20 and how it really sucks to how the fuck i’m such a boring whore, but really, i’m fucken bummed out about turning 20 years old this year! And I want you as a reader to realize that being 20 years old should be the age of “hibernation” so you can have the energy to go fucken ballsitic when you turn 21, and also as a reader, i want you to realize that this bitchass blogger here is a fucken adult that has a goal of being a damn nerd. TRUTH.

So the other day, i thought about how old i’m getting. I’m about to turn in my teenager-badge and trade it in for the 20s this year. As you can imagine, i’m not very excited at all. Turning to the big 2-0 is kind of ridiculous because the age of 20 is just at a standstill; nothing really exciting except i’m fucken older. I would say 19 can be typified as a standstill-age, where nothing exciting happens; however, keep in mind that 19 is the last teenage age. But 20, well that just sucks. Obviously, when you turn 21, that shit is just going to be a pure age of drunkard moments. According to my sisters, it’s hard to remember what happened when they were 21 because they were just drunk. 

I think i’ll experience the 20s differently from my sisters to be honest. I do want to spend my 21st birthday obviously in vegas, yet i have to keep in mind my priorities. When push comes to shove, i’m willing to push aside my birthday for school. I’m imagining people are giving me this dirty look right now like, “WTF YOU BORING WHORE.” Yes, i may be a boring whore, but this boring whore has priorities. 

See, let me try to clarify why i’ve turned into the biggest boring whore. You know, i stopped craving to drink or doing any illegal activities when the majority of my friends moved away from college, and i’m stuck here in a community college. Don’t get me wrong: i’ve never been more proud of my friends and boyfriend for going to great colleges they deserve to go to. Frankly, they inspire me to be better.

Nowadays though, i’ve been so focused upon studying and getting A’s in school; i’ve become the biggest nerd ever; i have no shame in my game. It’s hard to explain to my friends that i need to get A’s because i want to transfer somewhere that is amazing because eventually they think i’m an asshole for implying they’re stupid somehow if they got B’s or whatever. That’s not the case at all! It’s just different. My friends can afford to get B’s and not straight A’s since they’re at their college away from home, living their life and having the best of time. As long as they’re not failing, i don’t think they are extremely obligated to get all A’s. But for me and anyone else who goes to community colleges that yearn to transfer to a great university, we don’t have the chance, time, and money to not get the best grades we can earn from a class.

This is my second chance of redemption to prove to people that i’m not stupid and have the capability of becoming successful. Yes, i am selfish for thinking about myself compared to thinking of myself with my friends, but what can you do? Obviously, i would want to spend time with my friends and make memories with them, but time has changed. Really, i’ve probably changed because of my priorities. I’m really at a time of my life, where i feel more of an adult that wants to go to school. I don’t even want to take any breaks whatsoever. You can ask deven about how bum i was when winter break came. I just want to steer the ship forward and take my units so i can transfer soon.

If i did go to college right after graduating from high school, i’d probably be transferring right now; that’s the sucky thing about my situation. Truthfully, i try not think like that because it really weighs down my spirit and i don’t need that shit in my way. I want to tell myself to keep believing things happen for some sort of reason that is unexplainable. When i didn’t get into any college i wanted to get into, i felt my world was just shitting on me, but now, i finally can see that my fate was to go to community college, so i can get my priorities straight and become an adult. I’ve learned to not complain so much about “why is this happening to me” to “okay this shit does fucken suck and i’ll complain about the suckiness of it, but for now, i’m going to say ‘fuck off’ so i can concentrate.” Fuck the damn obstacles and shit that people go through. But not really, because if there wasn’t any hardship in our lives, there would be no bloggers on the web to complain about craziness. 

Well, that’s that for the boring whore’s perspective. Sayonara you beautiful reader who took the time to read this shit. You’re an amazing, thoughtful human being.

FUCK EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS MONTH.

Honestly, this month is nothing but bad news. I don’t even have time to blog everything about it, but i imagine i will when winter session is over. January can eat shit, puta.

3 weeks to go.

Winter session is insane because i haven’t had the time to sit down and relax; therefore, i haven’t been able to even think. But i will admit that i noticed i’ve been using profanity more than ever. I don’t even know why! I’m just angry at the world. I want to say 2012 isn’t starting off that well, but really, i can’t dwell on the miseries and need to move on to study harder. Shit fuck motherfucker, BYE.