Hiatus from… living?

Okay, i’ve placed myself in an intense mode. I threw a very huge scene yesterday because i realize how much i fucked up in high school, and now i’m getting it. I must not only fight away community colleges to get the classes i need, but i need to prove to my dream colleges that i’ve changed my flaws. I know what i want, and i’m really going to give it everything to try to get it. I don’t want to look back and regret not giving it my all to go shopping or something. It’s not worth it. 

I’m not going to say what i want because i’m just superstitious and afraid i might jinx myself. I have less than 2.5 years to transfer, and if i don’t, i will probably never get accepted to my ultimate dream schools. Yes, a “s” to school because i have my tops that are crazy to want. I told myself that i can’t force myself to go to UCLA just because of deven; i love him and would love to go to school with him, but i have to be selfish and not do things to please others. If i ever get accepted to my dreams schools and ucla, i would obviously pick my dream schools. Sorry, love. I’m sure i’ve been selfish before but i know i’ve never been selfish with my academics. I really never wanted something as much as i want THIS. 

Time is ticking, so i shall rush away to study as usual. Don’t forget me world.