Vietnam War.

Upon my studying for history, i’ve hit upon Vietnam War. Really, i knew nothing of this because i never really studied the events from the 1950s to present-day. I didn’t expect much of an eye-opener, but boy did i have an epiphany. During this time, i’ll say roughing 1969-1980, Vietnam was a hot mess (both north and south). Also, during that time period, my mom was a child or so, and gosh, to realize that she lived her childhood through this breaks my heart. Here i am, complaining how i didn’t exceed society’s expectations in my childhood, and she had to go through this. Fuck, i’m the most idiotic, selfish daughter ever.

I remember her talking about how she had lost some of her siblings during this war and how she and her family had to walk (with no shoes) for miles every day to survive. I didn’t think much of it because she’s a compulsive liar and loves to create fables. Even though she is a compulsive liar and may have lied about it, i’m sure there’s some truth to her statements. I’m sure many viet had to do this shit because of the war. It just kills me that my mom had to go through this as a child. Her life nowadays is pretty hard with her denial of her depression, loveless marriage, and horrible kids. It sucks that her life never turn to be the best as she experienced through such a horrible time in history. Her life never got easier after her childhood with her immigration to the U.S. with three freaken kids and a dickwad husband.

My mom doesn’t receive the respect she should have after her troubles; she’s just so strong. My sisters and i just do not respect my mom because… i really don’t know. We’re just bitches. I wish i could speak Chinese to actually sit down and listen to my mom talk. I wish i could ask her questions about these and have her talk about her problems. It sucks that she went through so much, yet she doesn’t complain about it; i complain about every little thing in my life. I can’t even comprehend and accept that her life was this hard, and i’m not making it any better with my horrible attitude towards her. 

This epiphany really makes me realize that i need to stop acting like a brat and a bitch, and appreciate my mom because she’s my mom that has tried to give my siblings and me everything we ever wanted. That’s a mom to not be selfish of us and genuinely want us to have a better life; a better life that she deserves.