Obsession at the moment.
My life is controlled by school! Winter session has begun, and it’s crazy. I underestimated the difficulty of the course because i should know this math already; however, for someone to learn 16 weeks of material within 6 weeks, well, that’s just crazy. It’s an overload of information. I’m lucky to have somewhat a background knowledge of it, and i feel bad for the people in my class that has never taken this course or know nothing of it.
Now ever since school began, i’ve been having this weird obsession of being extremely clean. First, it began with washing my hands more than once within the same moment of time. The first wash doesn’t feel clean to me, so i feel the need to wash it over and over until it gets squeaky clean.
It gets weirder. I had piles of laundry by the time school began because i was basically the laziest motherfucker during winter break. My basket was overflowing to the whole floor of my room. Thursday night or so, or during the weekend, i finally confronted my piles of laundry. I began thinking, “Shit, there’s so many clothes. I don’t think my closet will freaken fit all these crap!” So that night, i organized all my clothes and went through my closet to get rid of every crap i have not worn or touched in years. It was ridiculous how many clothes i haven’t touched! I ended up with 3 to 4 bags of clothes. I have to donate those bags of clothes before my mom comes back from hawaii. She doesn’t like it when i donate clothes; she thinks i’m wasting my money.
After getting rid of 90% of crap from my closet, i saw these basket that had blankets hiding clothes, so i didn’t get the chance to hang up my regular clothes that i usually hang up. I go through all these mess and by 1 in the morning, my room ended up with a pile of mess everywhere. How ironic. The next day, i told deven to take me to somewhere that sells cheap containers, so i can organize my crap. Who knew containers were that expensive! I thought they were just under 10 dollars; nope, that’s not the case. I had to go back to Big Lots twice within the same weekend.
I organized every little thing in my room; even when deven was right there hanging out with me. I didn’t even want him to touch my mess; i wanted to organize THIS all by myself. Possessiveness. Anyways, finally, i finish cleaning everything and find this pile of books that have SAT books and anything related to SAT from 2009. What the fuck? How do i get rid of those shit? Just right now, my sheets had just little tiny spots, and now it’s in my washer machine.
Why am i becoming so obsessive over the tiny things? I’m blowing them out of proportions. It’s insane. I should be using those time i spend cleaning to studying; i keep thinking this class is so scary-crazy quick that i guess, makes me not want to do study very hard. I keep trying to find these little excuses to not do my work, E.G. cleaning. I need to grow a pair of huge, elephantiasis balls and just head on go after this course the way i did for my Spanish class. I can’t expect to get an A in a class without dedicating my all to it.
I need to move my obsession of cleaning to becoming a hardcore nerd.
