In need of an attitude check.

I can just say one thing, and forget it in a couple of hours. Today, i went to the temple in hacienda heights. Although i’m not very religious whatsoever, i went to the temple just because of family time and to receive my dharma phrase for the rest of the year. Also, it’s the only time of the year, where i actually want to eat vegetarian food. Anyways, my dharma phrase (i posted in another post) basically said i should think of my actions before the outcome comes out of it. 

I pondered all day about it and thought about how i should stop expecting so much from whatever that controls us (possibly ourselves controls us as well), if we’re just giant bitches that sit on our asses and don’t contribute anything to the world. What have i done to ever deserve a better future? The only thing that i’ve done is trying my hardest in school. It’s a great thing (i’m not trying to make it sound like it’s a bad thing to do good in school), but personally, i haven’t done anything to change my perspective on the world. I’ve never done anything humbling to make me realize that the world that i know shouldn’t just be all about SoCal.

I keep thinking over and over how i’m such a selfish human being because i really believe shit should just be given to us. Why do i think that way?  That’s probably one of the stupidest thought that have come across our mind. As just a human with a soul, i believe that individuals should do things to help them become a better person. During the teenage years, we’re just so immature; thinking that we know every shit that we need to know to survive. Bullshit. All we did was more likely than not, complain about how we will never find our love or how our family never understands our needs and emotions. How the fuck will complaining about those shit help us become a better person? As many would say, “Actions are better than words.”

Upon all of these thoughts, i drove home tonight like my usual fucken maniac ways (pushing aside all my thoughtful thoughts to become a better person), and cut off this taxi because it was driving really slow; of course, a cop pulls me off on the same street of my house. It sucks because i was driving behind that taxi debating if i should do it; i believed if i did it, something bad would happen, but if i didn’t do it, i would be driving 20 MPH all the way home. Fuck that. The cop pulls me over, and i just hated myself. Luckily, he was a nice young cop (cute white guy might i add) that just said i should drive calmer and safer.

For the cop to not give me a ticket wasn’t just a relieving moment, but also a fucken warning from the divine spirits of the dharma words that i received to fucken change myself before shit goes down. It sucks that this isn’t the first time i got pulled over, which obviously means that i’m the worst driver in the world. I have to change these driving habits. I don’t like to fucken be paranoid of cops on my ass. Really though, if i ever want to change my driving habits, i need to learn how to control my moods; i need to learn how to be more understanding and patient. Obviously, when i thought of this realization, i realized i should have fucken listened to the dharma words that i received today. 

Oh the fucken irony of being a dumbass.