Period insecurities.
Well, valentine’s day is around the corner. As usual, my gifts for deven are going to be arriving late; we never seem to give each other gifts on the suppose date. I’m fine with it, and i hope he is because i refuse to rush order it!
Valentine’s day is such a bullshit holiday. I should be all happy because it’s the “perfect” holiday for couples. Uhm, no thanks bro. This holiday is fucken ridiculous. You know, i’m usually an emotional nutcase, and because of this holiday, i’m an overly emotional psycho. My expectation for romance is beyond stupidity. I really expect deven, to push aside all his homework, to dedicate his time to me; to make this more ridiculous, it’s not like i have free time too. We’re both busy people because of school. Before this stupid month, i was fine with him doing his homework because i understand it; i would prefer him to do homework than him not doing it. Now that valentine’s day is coming up, that understanding has apparently been pushed aside because of my stupidness and how this holiday has gone to my head!
I don’t understand why this holiday has made me into such a giant bitch of a girlfriend. I hate myself right now for this. Maybe it’s because i’m on my period and haven’t eaten sugar in a while, but i feel bad for implying to deven that he’s not romantic at all; therefore, it makes him feel like he’s a bad boyfriend. He’s not a bad boyfriend at all; he’s always romantic. He tells me he loves me and kisses me all the time while i tell him “i hate you fucken bitch” and punch him. Just because he doesn’t always show it with actions, according to my head at the moment, it’s not romantic. Obviously, my dumbass ignorance can’t see (at the moment) that he provides a sort of romance that is better than petty little gestures: when he tells me he loves me, he really means it. I rather have him mean that he loves me compared to him just saying the words without any meaning and giving me a bouquet of shit.
That’s the thing about valentine’s day: it makes everyone forget about the true romance between two people as they focus on materialistic shit that says “i love you.” Even if i was single, i would not be fucken bummed out at all about this holiday; i would be fucken ecstatic that i don’t have to drain my bank account for stupid shit. I wouldn’t even want to spend that day with anyone because single people should not be obligated to find a date for valentine’s day and force themselves to have an “enjoyable” dinner or date. Those expectations are just fucken ridiculous.
Plus if a couple really needs this holiday to show their romance to each other, i feel a bit sad for them. Why not show your love for your significant other every single day? Is it that hard? Is it not natural for you to show your love to your lover? Come on! What’s the use of being a damn relationship if you can’t express your love freely? Fucken shit man.
Obviously, since i’m such a douchebag, i’m going to still celebrate this holiday either way; i spent money on him already and want the damn credit of not forgetting about this holiday and him! I just hope these insecurities of deven not being romantic at all will disappear because it’s not even true. If anything, i wouldn’t even be shocked or be mad at him for not being romantic anymore with the way i’ve been acting this whole week. Ugh.
To all the girlfriends and boyfriends: be appreciative to your significant other for always being there for you and for always showing you a kind of love that people yearn and look for in a lifetime; that’s better than a lifeless, hallmark item trying to express your love to your lover.
